Some of you may be wondering about my blog’s name. I’ve also been asked why “bitter”. Well, answering that question would be like telling a person’s life story. I may also need books on philosophy and psychology for this. ;p
In relation to the blog name…
When I was trying to come up with a blog name, I wanted something that would describe me. The word “ampalaya” suddenly popped in my head. It’s the Tagalog word for bitter gourd, and sometimes used to describe bitter people. Bitter gourd used as a blog name sounded bitter, weird and intriguing, which was perfect! This is my first blog site and so I’m still in the process of discovering, learning and testing; thus, the word “experiment“. But then, life is a journey full of learning and discoveries.
Let’s define the word.
Bitterness is the noun for the word bitter. Merriam-Webster online dictionary defined bitter as the following:
- causing painful emotions : felt or experienced in a strong and unpleasant way
- angry and unhappy because of unfair treatment
According to Wikipedia, Bitterness, mainly called Resentment, is a combination of disappointment, anger and fear.
Now that we’ve defined that, here are my thoughts.
Life experiences make a person develop bitterness or resentment. I bet some would argue that letting oneself develop such feelings is a choice. I beg to disagree. There comes a time when no matter how much you try to think of happy thoughts, ignore and forget the bad, you just can’t. Because the thorn has already been buried deep.
This emotional state doesn’t just grow overnight. It starts young. You get hurt, become angry, disgusted and sad, get disappointed. You open yourself up to new opportunities, then life happens and you’re back to square one. It hurts most if a family member, relative or a close friend contributed to your bitterness in life. Those feelings grow old with you. You carry them whenever you meet a new acquaintance, making you cautious around that person because you fear that you’ll have the same experience all over again.
That approach, more often than not, gets misunderstood. You get called different names like “taong nasa loob ang kulo”, “taong may sariling mundo”, “plastic”, “mapagkunwari”, and many more. Nonetheless, it’s what works for you. Also, it filters out those who can’t handle the kind of personality that they will think you have, if and when you try to open up to them. Because, like it or not, people judge.
These things just pile up. I don’t even try to move on. I accept it and live with it. I heard from someone before, “Life sucks and then you die“. This became my life’s motto for some time.
Despite all the negativity in life, we all strive to move ever forward and live life the way we know how. We realize that it’s not always about us, but also about those who we value and value us. There are those really great encounters or moments that will last us a lifetime.
Life experiences differ from one another and so does each one’s response to them. You may not agree with what I’ve written but that does not mean that my view is incorrect. It’s just different from yours.